


I Might Never Get The Chance To Tell You

by whatwasthatharry



Category: Glee
Genre: Blangst, M/M, Mentions of Cancer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-12
Updated: 2012-10-12
Packaged: 2017-12-31 08:19:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1029437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatwasthatharry/pseuds/whatwasthatharry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt and Blaine have been best friends since they were eight, and they’ve been in love with each other since the moment they met. At 16, both boys are still oblivious to each other’s feelings, and with Blaine in the hospital, they might never get the chance to admit how they feel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Might Never Get The Chance To Tell You

Kurt stared down at him. He looked so…breakable; as though the moment Kurt touched him, he would wash away. He couldn’t stand to look at him like this, it hurt too much. The pain crawled it’s way into the center of Kurt’s heart and pulled. He’d been through tough situations and pushed to the brink, but this was it. He doesn’t know if he can be strong anymore. This was the boy Kurt loved. The boy who saved his life. The boy who held him when he cried, when he had a nightmare, when he needed him the most. And now, Blaine needed Kurt.

It’s been nine months. Nine tortuous, emotional, draining months since Blaine told Kurt he was sick. Nine months ago, Blaine wasn’t going to die, Blaine didn’t need a miracle, and Kurt wasn’t faced with the possibility of losing him forever. 

But even as Kurt brought his eyes down and the pain rushed through his body at seeing Blaine smothered in bruises, he would do it. Kurt would sit here everyday, because he don’t know how much time he has left with Blaine. And Kurt’s not going to waste a second without seeing Blaine’s beautiful face.

Blaine’s once thick, wild, curly hair was in shambles. It looked as though someone had ripped clumps of it from his head, put it through a shredder, and glued it back on. Kurt’s been trying to convince Blaine to let him shave it all off completely. 

Blaine’s body was turned on its right side, facing Kurt, as he slept -  he always slept on his side; he said he couldn’t fall asleep any other way. His hand was limp as Kurt grasped it tightly.

As Kurt looked down at the IV that was taped to Blaine’s hand, he couldn’t help but notice the veins that were projecting out of his skin. The bright blue was so clear against how pale Blaine had become. His skin was practically translucent. If it wasn’t for his shallow breaths, Kurt would’ve thought he was dead.

Kurt can remember how Blaine’s whole body was once full of muscle - how it could be felt everytime he touched him. But now, Kurt couldn’t feel it anymore. All he felt was dry skin, knuckles jutting out and every other bone in his hand. He was afraid that if he held to tightly, the bones would shatter, and Kurt couldn’t bare for another bruise to mar Blaine’s skin.

That’s the worst part of it all - the bruises. Blaine was covered head to toe in them, and they weren’t small. They were big, purple, painful, and stood out against the pale skin. The eyes were where they were the worst though. Each eye was it’s own perfect bruise, dark and sunken in, like black holes sucking away Blaine’s strength and ability to stay awake for long periods of time. 

But behind his bruises, Blaine had the most incredible eyes Kurt had ever seen. The hazel eyes were always so expressive, having the ability to pierce through Kurt, something he always hated. Blaine was always able to see past his bullshit, to see when Kurt was lying, to know when Kurt wasn’t fine. 

Kurt often found himself wishing he was as perceptive as Blaine, maybe he would’ve seen the symptoms earlier. Maybe he could’ve noticed how Blaine was always tired, how when he got a cold it lasted for ages, that he couldn’t keep up in Glee Club the same way he had before. 

Kurt softly removed Blaine’s hand from his own and stepped into the hallway, sitting down next to Blaine’s parents. Claire was curled into a ball against Bill, his arms holding her tight against him.

"How is he?" BIll asked, concern laced in his voice. 

"He’s sleeping. He looks…peaceful."

Bill simply nodded his head.

"We’re glad you’re here, Kurt" Claire said, reaching out her hand and grasping Kurt’s.

Kurt smiled sadly, remembering the strings Bill and Claire had pulled months ago to allow Kurt to always be with Blaine in the hospital, no matter the time, “Me too.”

"Kurt…" Bill began, but stopped suddenly.

Kurt turned to look at him, raising one eyebrow. “Yes?”

Bill sighed. “I’m glad Blaine has someone like you in his life. He’s always been a good kid. And I know he’s helped you through some hard times, but I know how much you help him too. Especially now. Having you here by his side all the time, it keeps him hoping that the treatment will work. It gives him a  _reason_  to hope.”

Kurt nodded, but didn’t respond. They sat there in silence for a few minutes before Kurt stood up. 

"I’m going to go back and sit with him. Unless, you would like…"

Claire interrupted him. “No, it’s okay honey. You go.”

Kurt nodded, recognizing that Claire and Bill needed some time to themselves. 

As Kurt walked into the room, he felt a sharp pang go through his heart at how helpless Blaine looked. He was curled on his side, feet sticking out from the blanket, and he was letting out little puffs of air. Kurt sniffled, wiping a tear that had formed in his eye, before sitting down next to Blaine. He pulled the blanket back over his feet and grasped Blaine’s cold hand in his warm one.

This was the boy Kurt was in love with; the boy Kurt never had enough courage to tell how he felt. And Kurt realized that Blaine may never know. There were times Kurt was  _sure_ that Blaine knew how he felt, but it’d been months since they’d even come close to talking about anything other than Blaine’s treatment. Kurt still remembers how he’d almost kissed Blaine three days before he learned the truth, and now, he wishes more than anything that he  _had_ kissed him.

_"Blaine!" Kurt writhed on the floor, laughing, "Blaine! Please, please stop. I can’t - I can’t take it."_

_Blaine laughed “How many times have I warned you, Kurt? If you mock me, you’re going to regret it.”_

_Kurt continued to shake with laughter. Blaine knew how ticklish he was and continously used it to his advantage. Kurt tried everything to make him stop: kicking , pleading, threats that they’d never speak again, talk of how it was his birthday so Blaine should be nice, but nothing worked._

_Blaine just smirked at him. “Say it Kurt, and I’ll stop.”_

_"I don’t know what you mean!" Kurt managed to gasp out between laughs._

_"Oh really?" Blaine asked, raising one eyebrow. Kurt always thought he was adorable when he did that._

_"Maybe…" Kurt laughed._

_"Maybe what?" Blaine’s fingers started to let up, allowing Kurt to breathe properly again._

_"Fine! Fine!" Kurt shrieked, " I will never ever tease you again because…" Kurt cut himself off as he laughed again._

_"Becuase why?" Blaine teased, his voice a whisper as his fingers trailed over Kurt’s abdomen, causing his train of thought to get lost._

_"Because…uh…because…" Blaine was leaning over Kurt now, one elbow bent next to what had become a messy had of hair. He rested his head on his fist, eyes staring down at Kurt as the other hand continued to stilight tickle Kurt’s stomach. "because you’re too pretty to tease."_

Oh no.  _Kurt thought._  No no no. I did not just say that out loud.

_Blaine’s eyes were sparkling and he simply smiled down at Kurt. “Well, that’s good enough for me,” he laughed and stood up, holding his hand out for Kurt to help him up._

_Blaine didn’t let go of his hand when he stood up, and Kurt stared down at their joined hands. He saw the bracelet around Blaine’s wrist and smiled._

_"Nice bracelet."_

_Blaine smirked. “Thanks. Some guy gave it to me.” Blaine’s eyes darted around the room, “I think he likes me,” he whispered._

_Kurt flushed. He’d been the one to give Blaine that bracelet, and oh, Blaine was staring at him now._

_"What do you think?" asked Blaine._

_"I don’t know," Kurt responded, squeezing Blaine’s hand. "You should ask him if you really want to know." Kurt winked._

_Blaine’s face was soft, eyes piercing Kurts even though he looked like he was far away in his thoughts._

_"Kurt?"_

_Kurt swallowed. “Yeah?”_

_"Have you ever wondered…" he trailed off, not able to finish his question. Kurt stood there, waiting, but it soon became clear that Blaine wasn’t going to finish without being prompted._

_"Wonder what, Blaine?" Kurts voice was soft, but Blaine still jumped, seemingly pulled out of his thoughts. He shook his head and squeezed Kurt’s hand before letting it go._

_"I…nevermind," was all Blaine said, a hint of regret hidden in his voice. "It’s not important."_

_Kurt stared at Blaine for a long time, tension mounting as each second ticked by, but neither said anything. Their unspoken words hung between them, wanting to be heard, but not quite reaching each other’s ears._

_  
_Kurt smiled at the memory, shaking his head as he looked back down at Blaine in the hospital bed. Looking back, Kurt wished that he had just told Blaine how he felt in that moment. Instead, it had been nine months and Blaine still didn’t know, and Kurt’s chances of telling him were getting smaller and smaller.

Kurt brought Blaine’s hands up to his lips, placing a soft kiss there as a few tears fell from his eyes. 

"I love you," he whispered into the silence, shoulders relaxing as he finally admitted it. It wasn’t fair to do it this way, to finally admit his feelings while Blaine was sleeping in a hospital. But Kurt couldn’t do it anymore, he couldn’t pretend that he wasn’t desperately in love with Blaine.

Kurt stared at where his and Blaines hand were laced together; he couldn’t bare to look at his face when it was so void of emotions.

"I’m pretty sure I’ve loved you ever since I was eight and ran away from home when I found out my mom was sick. Do you remember that? You found me sitting on a park bench. You didn’t even know me, Blaine. But you held me and let me drench your shirt You gave me the lollipop you were going to eat and told me that pretty boys should never cry. And then you were just always  _there._  I don’t think you even realize it. Blaine, you’ve saved me so many times. You let me cry on your shoulder, let me ruin t-shirt after stupid t-shirt, but you never complained. You helped me heal. You kissed the bruises and the harsh words away, and it kills me that I can’t do that for you right now.”

Kurt let out a broken sob, shutting his eyes tightly as if that would make everything go away.

"I need you to know that I love you. I know you might not feel the same, but god Blaine, you are so loved. And I don’t know what I’m going to do if I lose you."

Kurt let go of Blaine’s hand to wipe the tears out of his eyes, and when he looked up at Blaine, his heart jumped as he saw dull hazel eyes staring back at him. 

Blaine tried to smile, only a corner of his mouth twitching, before he spoke, “wa..w-water.”

Kurt nodded blankly, grabbing the pitcher on the table and pouring a cup for Blaine. He pushed the button on his bed, helping Blaine move so he was propped up enough to drink. 

"Thanks," Blaine whispered. Kurt smiled and sat on the edge of the bed. Blaine immediately grabbed his hand and gave it a light squeeze.

"You’re wrong, you know."

"I usually am," Kurt responded dryly, "but what am I wrong about this time?"

"I do feel the same." Blaine said simply.

Kurt shook his head and stood up, distancing himself from Blaine. “You don’t…you don’t need to lie to me.” Kurt turned away from Blaine to stare at the window, tears starting to form in his eyes again.

Blaine sounded broken when he spoke again. “Please. Kurt…please don’t do that.”

"Do what?"

"Hide from me." Blaine patted the bed. "Come sit?"

Kurt sighed and turned around to face Blaine, but he didn’t move any closer to the bed.

"You don’t need to be ashamed."

Kurt narrowed his eyes. “I’m not ashamed,” he said coolly.

"Then what’s  _wrong_?” Blaine asked again and motioned for Kurt to sit down.

Kurt took a deep breath before sitting down on the bed next to Blaine, grasping his hand and watching as Blaine blinked repeatedly to keep his eyes open.

"You need to go back to sleep."

Blaine shook his head. “I can’t, not until you tell me what’s wrong.”

"I’m fine."

"Kurt…don’t lie to me. I know when something’s bothering you."

Kurt shrugged, avoiding Blaine’s eyes even though he could feel their gaze.

"You don’t like that I’m awake."

"Don’t be stupid," Kurt rolled his eyes, "How could I not be happy that my best friend is awake and talking to me?"

Blaine shook his head. “No, you don’t like that I’m awake and heard everything you just said.”

"Everything?" Kurt whispered, fear racing through his veins. He didn’t think Blaine would here him; he wasn’t ready for this.

"Yes."

The word hung there for a while, neither boy speaking.

"It’s okay if you don’t feel the same," whispered Kurt, thumb tracing the veins that were prominent on Blaine’s hands. "I just, I just need you in my life, whether you love me or not."

Blaine chuckled, but there was no joy behind the sound; there never was anymore.

"You are completely oblivious sometimes."

Kurt smiled at Blaine, “Says the oblivious one.”

Kurt couldn’t help it, he started to laugh and Blaine smiled at him; his r _eal_  smile, the one that lit up his entire face and made his eyes sparkle. Kurt had missed that smile.

"Kurt," Blaine said, voice turning serious again.

Kurt looked up, waiting for Blaine to continue.

"I love you."

Kurt rolled his eyes, “I know you do, Blaine.”

Blaine made a frustrated noise. “You’e not listening to me.I’m in love with you Kurt. Everything you just said is how I feel. I’ve loved you since I saw you on that park bench. When that Chandler guy asked you out, I was insanely jealous, but then you turned him down. And it was like you were waiting for something. And you were always here, always yelling at the doctor’s for not doing enough and spending countless nights with me, and I thought you knew that I loved you - that I’m so completely in love with you, Kurt.”

Kurt stared at him, tears flowing freely now.

"But it doesn’t matter now," finished Blaine.

"Of course it matters Blaine! Why would you say that it doesn’t?"

"Because…" there was sadness laced in his voice, "I’m going to die, Kurt."

"No," Kurt shuddered, "No. That…that can’t happen."

For the first time in months, Blaine’s eyes filled with tears. “It’s going to happen. The chemo stopped working and none of these other treatments seem to be helping…” Blaine cut himself off with a harsh sob.

Kurt immediately pulled Blaine into his arms. It killed him to see Blaine so weak and broken.Blaine rested his head against Kurt’s heart, sobs continuing to rip through his body for a long time. Kurt placed a soft kiss on the top of his head, hands rubbing soothing circles into his back as he heard Blaine’s sobs quieten and felt him grow heavy in his arms.

Kurt laid Blaine’s head back against the pillow, worried that he would have another restless sleep because of the pain still etched into his face,

Without thinking, Kurt leaned down and pressed his lips to Blaine’s. When he pulled back, Blaine’s eyes had opened slightly and were watching him.

"Thank you," Blaine whispered. He squeezed Kurt’s hand and turned on to his side, eyes drifting closed as he fell back asleep, the pain gone from his face.


End file.
